A Soldier's Perspective

The Next Phase

Well, I got a response to my email. I'm on my way to winning a LOT of money!! Don't worry, I'll remember you little people. Like I normally do, I want to keep you in the loop as I work through the process of making more money than plastic surgeon in Britney Spears neighborhood:

—– Original Message —-
From: Catherine Nola
Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 8:27:10 AM
Subject: FILL AND RETURN–VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM

Dear Winner,

Your email has been received. We the entire staff of UK National lottery congratulate you once again for being one of our lucky winners in this year lottery promotion Sweepstakes. Please attached here is the claim verification and funds release form. You are expected to fill and submit it back to the fiduciary agent immediately via email. Once again congratulations.

VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM

1. FULL NAMES: _DAVID A. SNEAKERS, ESQ. (I only have one name, though)

2. ADDRESS: _1776 American Pathway, Pittsburgh, Pa 06969

3. SEX: _Llama love

4. AGE: _28

5. MARITAL STATUS: _Civil Bestial Union

6. OCCUPATION: _Four-legged Gigolo

7. E-MAIL ADDRESS: david_sneakers@yahoo.com

8. TEL AND FAX NUMBERS: _I don't believe in telephones. They're of the devil.

9. REFERENCE NUMBERS: _UK/9420X2/70

10. BATCH NUMBER: 074/05/ZY345

11. SERIAL NUMBER: 5368/02

12. AMOUNT WON: __$50,000,000 after Bush's tax cuts have kicked in.

13. STATE: _PA

14. COUNTRY__USA

15. ANNUAL INCOME__$16,582

16. MODE OF COLLECTION- BANK TRANSFER/COURIER _Courier (so I can tip him in person and give him a big kiss on the cheek)

Upon receipt of the duly requested data, I will send you the contact information of the paying Bank so you can proceed with effecting the release of your claims.

Note: This Lottery was won via a selection of email addresses, which yours was selected and qualified you as a winner. Any funds unclaimed shall be returned to this office as unclaimed and used for our up coming mega jackpot games.

Regards,

Mrs. Catherine Nola
(Fiduciary Agent).

And my response along with the information I provided above:

Wow! I'm overwhelmed. I've been thinking about all the wonderful things I can do with this money. In anticipation of receiving my payment, I've been charging up things for my pet llama. I bought him some new shoes (stainless steel – one of a kind – with diamond inlays and a hint of jasmine). Anyway, without further ado, my information is contained below. Let me know if you have any questions. I'm so psyched about this that I've reverted back to my childhood bedwetting! It's a bit embarrassing and prevents me from making a lot of friends, but I think money will buy me more.

David Sneakers