Slowly Dying Fire
March 10th, 2009 by Marcus
Before I begin this, I feel the need to stress how much I really do love the Marine Corps. If not for the Corps, I would never have met Anna, I wouldn’t have my beautiful baby girl and a son on the way, and there really is no telling where I would be in this world given the economy and general craziness. That said, I’m feeling horribly burned out.
As many of you know, I deployed to Iraq back in 2007. I spent seven months deployed with only one day completely off during that entire time. After, I took a good chunk of leave to recharge my batteries and to reconnect with my friends and family. Since October 2007 when I took that leave, I’ve taken a total of 14 days of leave. That time was spent here in South Carolina unpacking all the boxes from moving, trying to set up the house, and learning the area. The stress involved with a move is enough to make someone want to take leave from taking unpacking leave.
I’m having a very hard time dragging myself out of bed in the mornings and thinking about work brings a feeling of dread to my stomach. I feel fatigued all the time and have almost started to hate my job. My job is one that has brought me so much joy over the last three years and it scares me to think I’m starting to hate it. With that hate will come the wanting to just let it all go. I can’t do that. Marine’s careers rest in my hand. Those Marines do not need to worry, I have yet to let even one of them down when they’ve needed me. I would have very much liked to a couple of times, but my head took over from my heart and I pressed on.
Looking to the future, there isn’t much relief coming. My son will be here in a few short weeks, which will only introduce another element of stress to my life. Don’t get me wrong; I’m beyond thrilled for Anna to give birth again. I can’t wait to meet my son! But, we will all miss out on sleep, grow frustrated with crying and middle of the night feedings, and I really have no clue how Bella will react to another child in the house. I’ll only want to be there for my growing little family and work will be the last place I’ll want to be.
All of this weighs on my mind and I’ve had a bit of trouble sleeping because of it. I look forward to an actual vacation coming up in May when I will return to Arkansas to be best man to my little brother as he takes wedding vows before friends, family, and God. The good Lord knows I’ll need that time and I truly hope that I will come back to South Carolina with a renewed spirit to do the good work of my beloved Corps. It also explains the horrible job I’ve done writing for ASP. I just can’t find my military muse, as I was once able to. Writing this has already helped and I just need to force myself to write more even if it isn’t of the best quality.
With that, I’ll end my little therapy session. I thank every single one of you for reading ASP and giving me a place to hash out the troubles in my mind that pop up from time to time. Here is to better days and, hopefully, more cheerful posts.
Posted in Military Perspective
I wish I had some advice for you, Marcus. All I can offer is my commiseration. I hope your blue funk is short lived.
Marcus – I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I've been there myself, and ended up getting out for a few years before re-enlisting again. All I can say is just try to keep your head up brother. It's not always an easy path. Congrats on your soon to be new addition, I'm sure you can't wait to meet him.
Marcus I think we all end up feeling that way at certain points in our life. So don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes things aren't easy and we do need to just get away for awhile and take care of ourselves. Just know that you're always welcome to give me a call, to scream, yell, vent, cry, laugh …. whatever you need to do. I'm always here for you my friend. Take the time you need to "recharge your batteries" and you'll get back in the swing of things before you know it. Just know that we love ya!
Brotha we all get drained from time to time. Hopefully with the upcoming time off besides the stresses that a new baby brings you can relax a little and get those batteries recharged a bit. Good luck man and have a good one.
The Jarhead
Marcus, my friend, I understand completely.
I work in the IT field. Help Desk to be specific. This is a field that burnout happens at an incredible rate. After hearing people bitch and complain hour after hour, day after day, week after week, burnout happens very easily. Many do not even last a year.
I've had that burnout myself at times. There is only one cure for it. Get away from it. If you can get some leave, take it. Go home and relax with your family. And I mean like a week. not a day.
So sorry Marcus that you are feeling like this. Like the others before me have said, it happens to everyone from time to time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
May God Bless You in your endeavors for the Marine Corps as well as being the best Dad ever!
God bless you Marcus, thank you very much for defending our freedom. All the best!! I have just signed a 5 year term of service with my country's Army, if I'm deployed for training in America anywhere around wherever you are at I'll look you up.
Marcus,
I think your post is very helpful to all. It was just plain honesty, and I don't think anyone could perceive it as giving up. My prayers are with you and I completely agree with your thoughts on your new blessing about to arrive. I have three and they have brought my husband and I to a much better place. Nonetheless, anticipating the lack of sleep and stress can be undaunting. Keep us all updated when you can.
Stay Strong Marcus. When your new baby comes along, it will be good times. Remember that these are the best days of your life. Don't worry about your job . Things will work out.Be grateful you are working, considering so many people in the U.S. are out of work. God bless you and your entire family. You'll be in my prayers the next few weeks. Sincerely, Tom
Hey, Marine. Hang in there. We all need to step back once in awhile and recharge. If we don't take some time for ourselves, we all burn out.
Take it from this old "salt", it will get better again … wait for it.
In the meantime, do something for yourself.
And if you want … drop me a line … I am always there for my brothers and their families … Semper Fi.
Marcus,
I wish you better days and thank you and your family for your service.
NY-David
Why did I say UNdaunting, which I don't even think is a word! I think it was a subliminal message or something…
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I really do appreciate it!
Congrats on your bundle of joy heading your way. I do hope your a blessed with joy and peace.
Each one has to tread their path, their purpose and sense of accomplishment, if not found here you need to look somewhere else.
Peace and Love,
Clyde
We both need to talk bro. Let me just say you're not alone here! I don't have the answers either, but maybe we can find some answers talking to each other.
Marcus and CJ. 1st Thank you for all that you do. I know times get hard and stressful. all are correct that you need to take time for yourself and your family. But the best thing to do is to give it all over to the good Lord above (not matter what religion you choose). From the short time I have had the Honor to getting to know you thru your writings you will always be great family men, marines, soldiers, friends most of all Men of Honor. I love your writings, hard work and wisdom. You have enriched my life greatly. God Bless
I forgot….. this was from my son Jason to his baby sister who was getting burned out with everything a while back. Now this is to you.
"It's funny how things roll in your direction when you
think everything is all good in the hood. Life can switch
momentum on you in a flash, but don't let it get you down
as long as you can still do something about it."