I am so sorry that you suffer so. I would not wish PSTD on anyone. I was a victim of horrendous sexual abuse and there are still triggers that get to me.

Civilians do suffer from PTSD. It is debilitating. Most of the time I believe PTSD is the result of horrendous crime against a person. Maybe that is why people can walk away from a car crash? If there is no violence and loss of life, it is not as traumatic. Not sure.

I have asked the Why me all my life. I still wait on an answer to that.

I do know that it hasn't killed me and therefore it has made me stronger.

We all have crosses to bear. Yours is just different and you suffer for an honorable cause. For that I am sorry.

What has helped has been years and years of therapy. In that therapy, EMDR or Rapid Eye Movement Therapy helped the most to ease the reoccurring pain. Try to find a private therapist who practices EMDR. You feel like crap when the session is over because you have to work through the trauma, but as time goes by it slowly gets foggy and the pain is not there just the memories. I can live with foggy.

Lots of prayer also works for me.

Thank you for your service to your country. I am sorry for your ongoing suffering.

I had PTSD after an abortion, and years later took a post-abortion Bible study for healing that involved telling, and hearing stories. It changed my life. (Now I help teach these Bible studies.) Everyone else's story sounded worse. Somehow, if I got through it, I thought maybe it wasn't so bad. One day I was in my car listening to my teacher being interviewed on the radio. At the end, she was asked to describe the worse story, and she told mine, without revealing my name. That's when I realized how far I had come.

I had come from the worse story, to knowing that God loved me and forgave me, that I did nothing that surprised Him, as He created me, that He had a purpose for me, and a use for me, even now with my story, and that I could begin again without unworthiness or bitterness, and with joy and deep contentment. He is glad to see me, and desires for me to know Him. He has forgiven me, and His word says that once He does that, He cannot even remember what I did. So why was I limiting who I could be for God, by letting that experience define my future?

I felt so changed during the Bible study, that I went to Mercer Medical School Library, spending several week-ends looking up post abortion syndrome, which is under PTSD. I was worried that I was in a Kool-aid cult, if you know what I mean, as I was so changed by what the word of God said. I felt free from unworthiness, and felt like I could do anything God wanted me to do, and He wanted me to do plenty! It seems that at that time PTSD was considered incurable. But post abortion syndrome had had good results with Bible studies like I had taken.

Pertinent points per the research were to gather, write, and tell, all of the activities, sites, smells, sounds, thoughts, emotions, and sounds related to the situation and the aftermath. (This can take a long time, if it is buried. Hearing other's stories helps.) The point of this is that giving God a nebulous feeling surrounding an issue, is not giving Him all of it. If you list every cause, action, circumstance, feeling (no matter how outrageous), and thought (No matter how petty.), he will be able to take it completely.

Also compare this to what the word of God says. I am with you always.-Ask God exactly where he was standing and what He was doing during this time. You will be surprised at the answer to your heart. I died so that all will be forgiven and healed. Note He said ALL. etc. Also present the Gospel, in a desirable way, so that the participants can receive salvation .

Also, have a memorial service where we gave a small testimony, and proclaimed who we are now, and where our babies are (in heaven), and what we are going to do with this healing (help others, etc.). A spouse or family member may stand up at the podium also, and add something. At times audience members, or visiting clergy may add something. An ordained pastor is always there, and he speaks. We have music, Bible reading-we each pick a meaning verse to us and read it, flowers that we receive when we speak with our babies names on them (military situations-you could use locations or events tied to each rose), candles that we light when we speak, a certificate of life that our baby did live (in our womb-complete with name), and guests that were important to us that we invite. This expresses the importance of what we experienced, that it was significant, can be memorialized, and put into place, then we can go on.

The research said that the most significant factor for success was communion. So have communion at the memorial service. It is a documented miracle producing ingredient for believers! And this is not a kool-aid cult, it is just the freedom that God gives to those who are His. Receive it!!!

This quote is attributed to Mother Theresa, but whether it really is hers or not, take it to heart because I think it's true for all of us:

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

Hang in there because clearly someone trusts you quite a bit. Thanks for all you do.

Now… if you do come to Georgia, I would be honored to fill you full of Buffalo Wings and a pitcher of beer and laugh at a few dumb jokes. No PTSD discussions because I don‘t feel like talking about mine and I know you may not with a stranger; just giving an old man the opportunity to show appreciation. If you can swing it, email me at johnjudyc@att.net. If not, cool. Take care!

I read this earlier and decided to respond. Take care, CJ.

As Always
Grumpy