Suicide Solution Is No Solution
August 13th, 2009 by Admin
I have been going round and round with myself all day since reading this:
Life and the internet are strange strange things. I’ve been trading emails and posts etc with Chris for years now. It wasn’t at all uncommon for his duties, deployments, and family to make those virtual conversations sporadic from time to time. Well, Chris won’t be returning emails anymore. He passed away suddenly on June 30, 2009.
My initial thought was "who are the bastards that deserve to die a horrible death for killing this man. I was shaking. I couldn't even concentrate on the reading until I read this:
On June 30th Major Chris Galloway took his own life. He had come back from Afghanistan in April, and things just weren’t the same we’re told.
The shaking intensified and I had to be alone. I drove to a small, out of the way park and just let myself go for almost an hour. I was initially alerted to this story because there were trackbacks to posts I've written about PTSD and suicide. As I sat there sobbing, I thought to myself, "could I be next?" The answer is, of course, "no" and I want to explain to those people out there that are in a situation where Chris may have been prior to ending his life.
I've said this before and I'll say it again, but this time with a different slant: there is NOTHING in this life worth taking your own for. There are people who care about you that you may or may not be familiar with. I am one of them. Hey, I have problems – BIG problems. Recent developments in my life have shaken the very foundation of my being. I have been questioning my place in both the Army and in life. But no matter how much I'm beat down, nothing will convince me that taking my life will make it better. Likewise, taking your life will not make the reasons for wanting to do so go away.
To those of you out there who may be hurting and contemplating hurting or killing yourself, I want to reiterate something I've said before; please contact me. I promise you I know where you are. I've had someone die in my arms trying to bring them back to life. I've lost friends in combat. I've had to shoot the enemy and had the unfortunate opportunity to be forced into shooting an innocent human shield. I've been racked with guilt (not regret) for nearly six years. I've been blown up, shot at, hit in the armor, and placed in situations in which I made my peace with God and silently told my family goodbye – three times!
I know that you may feel like there is no point in going on. I truly do. I've often felt like there's no point in going on myself. Together, we can convince each other of the truth that we are both wrong! My email address is clearly displayed on the sidebar. I will give you my personal phone number and I will even go AWOL to be with you if I am your only hope for life. I will find a way to get to you. There are people with a personal interest in your life. Did you catch that? In your LIFE!
I strongly recommend that you seek help. I recently began the process of seeking help myself. I am a senior non-commissioned officer who is not yet eligible for retirement benefits. I have a lot to lose if the military does not keep its word that seeking help for mental health problems, depression, and other emotional challenges will not be demonized. I still have five years left before I'm "safe" but I am seeking the help the military and this country owes me. You can too.
We can't afford to lose you. Your family and friends need you. Your troops need you. Most of all, though, you need you.
This might sound like a whole bunch of hooey, but I mean every word. If you're bent on suicide, give me a chance before you make that final, fatal decision. Let me tell you why killing yourself won't help you and show you what will! To be a little selfish, if you leave me behind, where will I go for help when I need it?
UPDATE: I wanted some spiritual context to this post. Keep in mind, I'm a member for Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so some of these scriptures may be foreign to you (some critics who have never read the Book of Mormon may be surprised).
I'm blessed with a strong sense of the divinity of life. I wasn't always that way. But, there's a great scripture in Alma 37:47 that goes like this:
47 And now, my son, see that ye take care of these sacred things, yea, see that ye look to God and live.
In this scripture the Lord is basically saying that all things can be accomplished if we look to God. Romans 12:12 says that we should rejoice in hope, be patient in our challenges and tribulations and constantly maintain a prayer in our heart (paraphrased). He will not give us any challenge that He does not think we can handle. PTSD sucks to all hell and it's hard to hope sometimes, but the scriptures definitely tell us that we must rejoice in it. We can't give up hope.
Nothing we face in this world, no matter how difficult it may seem to us even compares to the trials and tribulations our Savior went through. He has felt every bit of our pain and He only asks that we appreciate that and do our best to honor that sacrifice. We won't get better overnight.
This war will one day be over and if it's not, we will one day retire. That is where the patience comes in. The good news is that we don't have to retire. We don't have to exercise patience for years. We can get help NOW. There are people around us NOW that help us overcome our obstacles, both physical and mental.
Jacob taught, “Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions." (Jacob 3:1)
The Lord gives us a spirit of hope and a feeling of comfort and confidence that we can overcome the obstacles we face. He has shown the way to gain strength during our struggles. With His assistance, we have the ability to succeed. Not everyone suffering from PTSD or feelings of suicide have a belief in God. To those people, I revert back to my earlier comments that there are people who still care and want to help you. But, I urge to seek help as well from the one man who can help you in the meantime…and He is ALWAYS there!
Tags: PTSD Perspectives, suicide
Posted in PTSD Perspectives
A sincere and well-thought-out post, CJ. I've been upset ever since reading about Major Galloway. We've dealt with a suicide in my extended family and everyone wonders forever, "Was there something I could have done or said that would have stopped this?" We're just left with no answer. Prayers for all concerned in this tragedy and for you and your family always.
Your "sidekick"…
CJ
Thank you for sharing these words of strength. At the top of my milspouse blog is a link for http://nami.org. I put it there for good reason. NAMI can be found in many communities. It is free and available to caregivers, friends, and the afflicted. They have wonderful services, from a 12-week course for caregivers (which I took), to weekly support groups, referrals and most of all …they are great listeners. They are confidential, and they are a wonderful source of support. All anyone has to do is make that first call.
My best to you, and to your loved ones during this difficult time. You're not alone. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone has issues. It's time to start stripping away the stigma of mental illness and start getting better.
Very good post…and I will be praying for the family of Maj Galloway.
Even though my life, and my family's generations to come lives have been directly, and irreversibly, affected by suicide of a military member, I have no words right now.
Only sorrow, and prayers.
Great post, CJ! Thank you.
I pray for all of us who are involved in this. This isn't just one person or family it is all of us. May God continue to hold our hands and guide us to the help that we need everyday.
Finding peace inside you is no easy task. It is not an emotion, so it's difficult to define and determine. But inner peace is something that if we do not have it, we cannot truly know how wonderful life can be.
Going through life, filled with turmoil, and pain, and sorrow, self doubt, self loathing, and such hurt that you can't even look into a mirror, is no way to live. But, people live that way, each and every day. They are out there, walking on the streets, shopping in stores, working next to you, living with you, and you don't even know it.
Most people go through their lives and don't pay attention to much around them. They are totally oblivious to the pain people carry around inside them. Maybe they are carrying it themselves, and its just that they think they are so alone. We need to be more in touch with each other. More tuned in to the lives of those around us.
Perhaps if we just reach out a hand to the person next to us, the world would be a much nicer place. I find it so amazing that when something happens, when there is a major crisis, or disaster, that everyone thinks to do something. But day to day, we are so oblivious to the needs and personal crisis of the person standing right next to us.
Great post CJ. Something for all of us to learn from.
I first met Chris when I started writing on Tanker Brothers a few years ago. Back then I was quite the newbie and very 'green'. No matter what was happening in his life, Chris always took time out to explain things to me. Some nights we would pro and con for hours til he was satisfied I understood the politics and history behind things. He taught me more about these things than any other person has ever taken the time to do and for that I will always be greatful.
Chris was an extremely passionate person and for those of you out there that shared some kind of personal relationship with him I feel for you greatly right now. I know how Chris was able to reach out and touch people.
In the months leading up to his death, Chris was always around to reassure me as I took on the new role of motherhood. On my worst days when I was sure I was a complete failure he reassured me, he shared stories about his beloved children and was always there to talk me through. His family was his life and it constantly came through.
I often wondered why he had gone quiet but nothing could have prepared me for this news. My sincerest sympathies to his family. He often talked about how amazing he thought they all were, from his wife and children, to his extended family. I hope you all know just how much he loved you.
Rest in peace Chris and thank you.
[...] To read more about this wonderful man, who will be terribly missed in the milblog arena, please go to Flopping Aces and A Soldier's Perspective. [...]
Thank you for this post CJ, and for your heartfelt outreach to those who may be in a that seemingly hopeless place. Words just can't express my sorrow of this news. My thoughts and prayers go out to Chris's family and all who he connected with in this life. Rest in Peace Chris. Thank you for all you gave this world.
CJ call me goddam it…
I wish he were still here so I could tell him that I love him for all he has done for all of us.
Please tell that to every Soldier you know and tell them all the time that without them and all they have done to keep us safe, our lives would not be worth living.
I will pray for this fine Soldier and his family and I am so very sorry for their loss.
Beverly Perlson
The Band of Mothers
[...] Why We Serve I recently wrote a piece on A Soldier's Perspective about suicide called "Suicide Solution is No Solution." I've gotten a lot of very supportive emails about all my recent posts on suicide [...]
Oh please my Men of Honor…Do not go down the path of despair. There are those of us who care, and can help. You are not alone.
There are those of us who understand the the pain of having to put your Heart on a shelf, and the difficulty in finding that Heart when you need it again.
We need you more than you may think.
CJ,
Thank you for writing this post. It gives me a somewhat better understanding as to why it's so important to try and intervene when someone wants to end his or her own life. I am sorry that Major Galloway has past away by putting an end to his own life. Most of all, I am sorry that you have lost a friend.
This reminds me of the time when a friend of mine killed himself. I was pondering the same thoughts reflected in this post. I still do to this very day even though it was quiet a while ago when this happened.
Anyway, great article. I am glad that you are opening yourself to anyone who may be contemplating suicide. I never understood why people would end their own life, no matter how many points of view I try to take when looking for an answer as to why. However, I hope if another friend starts to consider suicide, then I too will try to help them.
Regards,
Ryan