Absence of Presence and Intimacy
October 22nd, 2009 by Roman General
You may or may not know that I am serving an internship in a legal setting. I have been struggling with the opening up and closing down myself along with keeping this separate from my interviews with clients, psychosocial reports and recommendations. Many of the clients I serve have similar backgrounds as myself, that being of course traumatization and retraumatization. The chronically traumatized person can become caught in a whirlwind of triggers, negative emotions and behavior while remaining detached from the environment and the reality of the situation.
When a survivor exhibits detachment from external stimulus and interactions, they have checked out and can remain in this state of mind for long lengths of time. Stressors within the environment that causes distress to the traumatized brain and can trigger the survivors disenfranchised memories, experiences and especially emotions. When this happens we lose a pivotal inner connection with ourselves and significant others. The loved one of a combat veteran can witness this disconnection in them by his or her facial expressions, body language and the absence of presence and intimacy.
Imagine the loss of this connection within yourself, the folding of the self inside out with this other self falling into an abyss. Continuously witnessing your central core falling and never losing site but knowing that, it, will fall forever. While doing this try and pay attention to someone in front of you when your perspective comes from a million miles away.
Posted in PTSD Perspectives
One some level, I can totally relate. Obviously not a combat veteran myself (I'm definitely not soldier material, I'm sorry to say), but I AM a survivor of long-term childhood abuse in all its myriad forms. While I feel like I turned out OK, it is VERY easy to distance myself from people (especially those close to me if I'm repeatedly hurt in some way) and be a loner. Very easy for me to shut that door. I totally get it.
hang in there – hugs and prayers coming from GA.
Thanks Kat for the prayers, empathy and encouragement. The experience of all survivors, whether combat or other traumatization have similar responses and reactions.
I have witnessed this first hand. I was one of the "loved ones" who watched the "triggers" and "negative emotions" wither away at the man that I loved. I tried to understand. I tried to be there. His insistence through his behavior continually said, "Stay away. Far away." and though I know he, in reality, didn't want that, I couldn't do it any longer. I felt like a failure as a friend but… I do continually send him prayers and wish him the best.
Thank you for sharing your perspective.
PTSD is an array of defensive mechanisms that becomes entrenched in the combat veterans mind. The overwhelming emotions, triggers, and negative behavior can result in the veteran or soldier pushing everyone away. I still do this today, for me isolation is a coping mechanism to relieve the stress from being around people. When a combat veteran suffering from PTSD has amounted enough consequences from their actions and reactions then they may begin the journey of healing and recovery. I pray that your veteran finds this path soon.